Funny Tweets About Political Correctness

briancarter: Microloans are nice because if you don't pay, the guys they send after you have really small bats. And they're midgets.

about 7 hours ago from web

Tanya_Hunter: @briancarter uh, I think the correct pc terminology is 'little people!'

about 4 hours ago from TwitterFon in reply to briancarter

briancarter: @Tanya_Hunter yeah i'm a bit retarded at the P.C. thing.

3 minutes ago from web in reply to Tanya_Hunter

10 Recent Funny Brian Carter Tweets

1. By reading this tweet you signify that you agree to hold blameless this twitterer for any injury you may sustain by reading said tweet.
2. Evidently, all the people who used to run off and join the circus now just go to walmart on saturdays
3. I confused the Barista girl by telling her I watched a John cena movie in which he was typically big and beat people up
4. These running shorts with the built-in underwear feel weird
5. The reason I don't hang out at pools a lot is the opposite of why so many guys do who shouldn't
6. "Corn vomit!" It's fun to say.
7. When they say you have potential, they mean "we hope you won't suck later but we have no idea why you suck so much right now"
8. Evidently I look like David Spade and Stephen Baldwin had a baby. A baby that should have his own kid's show. That sounds weird
9. It should be against the law for strangers to stare at me. And a punch-in-the-FACE-able offense.
10. I'm at the movies- buckets of popcorn??? I think one of the things that separates humans and animals is eating from buckets.

Redneck Beer Brother Song

Larry Possum opens up (in song, a cappella and unaccompanied) about his brother, Durr, and an incident they had around some beer.

Example of a Man Chat

Here is a typical IM chat between two men:

[20:01] wally: hey

[20:02] BrianCarter: hey man

[20:02] wally: whats goin on?

[20:03] BrianCarter: editing a video i took of drivin in the country

[20:03] wally: nice

[20:03] BrianCarter: u?

[20:04] wally: just doing some research/work

[20:08] BrianCarter: awesome man. good talk.

How to Be Funny Tweets

• 
  briancarter: How to be funny step #22: Become a boss and quote other people's jokes. Fire employees who don't laugh.
  about 1 month ago · Reply · View Tweet
• 
  briancarter: How to be funny step #2: We came to believe in a funniness greater than our shelves.
  about 1 month ago · Reply · View Tweet

• 
  briancarter: How to be funny Step #1: We admitted we were not at all funny. We were completely unfunnyless.
  about 1 month ago · Reply · View Tweet

• 
  briancarter: How to be funny step #7: Find out who you are, then be that, times 10. No, times 12. Or maybe times 9. Hmm, dunno... have to test that.
  about 1 month ago · Reply · View Tweet

• 
  briancarter: How to be funny step #8: Write A LOT. Edit A LOT. Then get goofy all over.
  about 1 month ago · Reply · View Tweet

• 
  briancarter: How to be funny step #9 Don't be a wordinator. Or a wordsmith. Get it? ;-)
  about 1 month ago · Reply · View Tweet

• 
  briancarter: How to be funny step #5 confound expectations- learn to look at things differently- be a an epistemological, ontological anti-conformist
  about 1 month ago · Reply · View Tweet

• 
  briancarter: How to be funny step #3 nurture your inner bully, then use him/her to make fun of yourself. Then make fun of that.
  about 1 month ago · Reply · View Tweet

• 
  briancarter: How to Be Funny Step #8: Be punny. If you can't, ur too dumb. But if you rely on puns, you'll be killed by an angry mob with pitchforks.
  about 1 month ago · Reply · View Tweet

• 
  briancarter: How To Be Funny Step #4 (comes immediately *before* Step #1): Break the rules.
  about 1 month ago · Reply · View Tweet

• 
  briancarter: How to be funny: Step #1... take your clothes off in public.
  about 1 month ago · Reply · View Tweet
  
  

Webex Customer Service LIES!

This is some bad customer service right here...

Chat InformationThank you for choosing Cisco WebEx. A representative will be with you shortly.
Chat InformationYou are now chatting with Tiffany.
Tiffany: Hello Brian Carter. How may I help you?
Brian Carter: Hey, I have a specific need and not sure if your products can handle it
Brian Carter: I'm trying to set up a virtual panel online
Brian Carter: 5 experts, all on webcam
Tiffany: ok
Brian Carter: and audience needs to be able to text chat
Tiffany: we can do up to 6
Tiffany: we can help you do all of that
Brian Carter: 6 live webcam people on screen at once?
Tiffany: correct
Brian Carter: k
Brian Carter: do you have a webpage about that, pdf, or whatever?
Brian Carter: and what's the cost for that?
Tiffany: yes
Tiffany: one moment
Tiffany: Clcik here
Tiffany: We currently have promotional pricing on our Meeting Center solution. For a limited time, it is just $59/month per host with prepaid annual purchase or $69/month per host with no long term commitment. Add toll-free audio for $0.15/minute per user. (US & Canada only).
Brian Carter: interesting
Tiffany: Is there anything else I can help you with?
Brian Carter: the link you gave me is for the whitepaper or what?
Tiffany: correct
Brian Carter: where can i see picture of the meeting center etc. in action?
Tiffany: go to webex.com on home page and view live demo
Brian Carter: and details about, e.g. do all audience members have to download something?
Brian Carter: that demo shows 5 people on webcam and text chat in action?
Tiffany: yeah but you can have 6
Tiffany: only need acess to internet
Brian Carter: so, you call it "meeting center"
Tiffany: correct
Brian Carter: don't see that in the list of specialized demos
Brian Carter: training, sales, event
Brian Carter: and support
Brian Carter: no 'meeting center' listed
Tiffany: meeting center is the live demo that they are doing live
Brian Carter: hmm i got a flash video that wasn't a live demo
Brian Carter: "bob"
Tiffany: Go to webex.com....on the home page you will see a blue button on the right hand side that says View Demo-now in progress
Tiffany: that is Meeting Center demo
Brian Carter: r u serious?
Brian Carter: that's not live
Tiffany: Yes I am serious
Brian Carter: it's a recording, no?
Tiffany: no it isn't
Brian Carter: really
Tiffany: yes
Tiffany: put your name in and you can see for yourself
Tiffany: Is there anything else I can help you with?
Brian Carter: i'm not certain i'm seeing what you're talking about
Brian Carter: i can't put my name in anywhere
Brian Carter: and i'd appreciate it if you'd stop trying to get out of the conversation
Tiffany: I am not trying to get out of the conversation Brian
Tiffany: if you go to the home page
Tiffany: it is right on the right hand side
Tiffany: says View Demo-now in progress
Tiffany: If you click on that
Tiffany: it will ask you to put in your name
Brian Carter: ya, it's the thing with bob and marty in it, right?
Tiffany: and you can join the session
Brian Carter: already did all that
Brian Carter: but what it takes me to
Brian Carter: k i think i misunderstood you
Brian Carter: but it's obviously not live
Tiffany: it will show you video
Brian Carter: lol
Brian Carter: ya
Brian Carter: but you guys shouldn't call it live-
Brian Carter: those of us who are savvy get confused
Brian Carter: because it's obviously a recording
Tiffany: ok- I will let my manager know
Brian Carter: so how do i try it out for real
Brian Carter: ?
Brian Carter: oh sorry
Brian Carter: there's a free demo
Brian Carter: trial i mean
Tiffany: you can do a free trial but you can only do 1 video
Brian Carter: so you can't trial what i need
Tiffany: if you want to do try all 6 video you would have to do a pay per use meeting and pay for it
Brian Carter: meaning i have to pay you to find out if it's the right solution for me
Tiffany: you can see the video
Tiffany: sign up for the trial
Tiffany: and test it yourself
Brian Carter: will that let me see the text chat ability too?/
Tiffany: yes
Brian Carter: k
Tiffany: full features
Brian Carter: what's the pay per use?
Tiffany: .33 per min per connection
Brian Carter: hmm you count connections as video connections, or text chatter too?
Tiffany: computer connections
Brian Carter: lol that doesn't clarify does it?
Brian Carter: you mean everyone, text chatters included?
Tiffany: whoever joins your sessions Birna
Tiffany: Brian*
Brian Carter: lol
Brian Carter: so text chatters count
Tiffany: is there something that is funny?
Tiffany: yes it does
Tiffany: anyone who connects to your meeting
Brian Carter: k thank you
Brian Carter: yes it was funny that you misspelled my name
Tiffany: Have a great day and thank you again for contacting Cisco WebEx.

The Top 10 Recession Christmas Gifts

I tweeted this in time for Christmas, but didn't blog it, so here's the list:

oh wow, there weren't 10- so you can add some of your own!

The Top 10 Recession Christmas Gifts

#9 Can't afford cigs for that smoker in your life? How bout a ziploc baggie full of USED smoke?

#8 walmart 64 rolls of toilet paper value pak

#7 a full unopened wrapping paper tube for next year when things will be better

#6 email everyone a link to a 12 seconds account full of you singing holiday classics

#5 brian regan's "cup of dirt"

#4 the rubber band ball you made at the office

#3 jar of tap water

oh wow, there weren't 10- so you can add some of your own!