Video Of An Interview: Amazing Business Interview

An amazing interview for our time.

Out of Office Funny Poster (Death in Family)

Out of Office demotivational poster

Only the funniest of the 179 funny tweets

• #notetoself i should really try to stop talking to myself

• your geekiness is DIRECTLY proportional to the number of tweets in which you say "inversely proportional"

• i believe crawdads would be chicken of the creek (pronounced crik)

• Sea Monkeys are the chicken of... um some fantasy aquarium.

• I am serving 12 consecutive life sentences for tearing tags off mattresses I did not own.

• omg there is bejesus in me???

• I don't know, I have complex feelings about complexity. I'm ambivalent about ambivalence. Ehh…

• I find obfuscation hard to eschew- gets stuck in my teeth

• that's what someone of your gender said

• A guy told me that tweeting the word "squaw" wasn't PC. I wanted to apologize that I'm a little bit PC-retarded.

• At movies, buckets of popcorn??? I think one of the things that separates humans and animals is eating from buckets

• Breaking NEWS: Someone who wants attention just said something controversial!!!

• Considering carrying a fake arm around to put around my neck for photos.

• Cool slogan for a bean company. "We turn UNDER pants into THUNDER pants"

• Corn vomit! It's fun to say.

• Cymbalta: A depression med that makes some people commit suicide? Huh?

• Do you think fat zombie lovers are morbidly morbidly obese?

• Dumbest. Tweet. Ever.

• Enjoying the softer side of Sears

• Evidently I look like David Spade and Stephen Baldwin had a baby. A baby that should have his own kid's show.

• Evidently, all the people who used to run off and join the circus now just go to walmart on saturdays

• FYI, I don't want to be THAT guy. Just thought you should know.

• HA HA YOU MAKE FUNNY!!!!!!

• How Blog SEO is Like Having Sex With Homeless People http

• I am a game changer.

• I am feeling very negative about my negativity and critical of my self-criticism.

• I AM FEELING VERY PEACEFUL AND QUIET!!!

• I am listening pop music in spanish and i'm getting really confundido. que esta pasando? dios mio!

• I am moving the needle.

• I definitely don't spend enough time oiled up tanning.

• I feel, as a white guy, that I have to occasionally say "Anyhoo..." You know, just to keep it REAL.

• I got an MBA... from Chuck Norris. It's a Masters in Bad A#$ness

• I got into a car accident today. They were really confused why I was getting into their car after they ran into someone.

• I hate people that hate categories of things.

• I hate people-pleasers. So I guess you could say they can't possibly please me. HAha.

• I have a sixth sense about what sports teams are going to win. I think maybe I have ESPN.

• i have incredibly huge LETTERS. sometimes.

• I have reached a maturity level somewhere between the Terrible Twos and Mahatma Ghandi.

• I just met a guy who's a clarivoyeur. He can see naked people from the future.

• I like saying "that's what she said" at times when it makes absolutely no sense

• I like to give indian gifts to myself- keeps me on my toes

• I think from now on when I retweet women, I'll pre-append "That's what she said."

• I think God wants us to forgive even the most evil of people, like Nazis, Murderers, and People Who Were Popular in High School.

• I think I have intestinal sleep apnea, because it sounds like my colon is snoring.

• I think Pontiac Aztec owners not on antidepressants r likely a suicide risk

• I think the number of miata drivers who are not middle aged women is roughly... me.

• I think we'd be a lot more tolerant of polygamists if they didn't have such creepy hair http

• I was happier when I was younger and we had a basset hound because it made me seem so positive.

• I was surprised to find out our agency made dog food, but now I am happily eating it.

• I'd like to see a tough guy superhero no one will mess with who also says "anyhoo" a lot

• If #PETA was a puppy, I would punch it in the face LOL

• if it weren't offensive to say "ok i'm tired of talking to you" and hang up, the phone would be awesome.

• if tuna is the chicken of the sea, frogs are chicken of the pond. crawdads are chicken of the stream.

• If ur a white guy at a stoplight can't decide between James blount or Jay z, u r a putz

• If you're smoking while riding a bike, you probably don't own a car... or you do but the last time you drove it, you were drunk

• I'm at movies waiting for Funny People to start. I feel funny too. In my pants.

• I'm obsessively compulsive, but I have it under control.

• I'm proud that I can almost read lips when the TV is muted. My pride is ridiculous. I'm proud of a skill that I *almost* have.

• In college this girl wanted to have spiritual sex but I was brought up Methodist so I thought she meant Jesus would be watching us.

• Instant messaging is great but I wish my phone could do instant massaging.

• It should be against the law for strangers to stare at me. And a punch-in-the-FACE-able offense.

• I've decided I would like someone to nickname me "Thunder Pants"

• I've reached the point in a text messaging tweeter's life where I can no longer justify the y and o in u.

• I've rolled on the floor laughing. But now I'd like to roll on the laughing floor. That sounds like fun. But kinda creepy.

• Just thought I'd let everybody know, I am not "down with the sickness".

• Life in your 30's is about saying "I'm so old!" and people in their 40's and 50's telling you to shut up.

• lol crowdsourcing is like getting your whole high school to do your homework for you

• Lots of people sleepwalk- I'm an achiever so I sleepJOG. I'm also goofy but sleepSKIPPING would create too much staring.

• lowercase writing is the casual dress of communications. you can't make me capitalize. i won't do it. deal with it. ;-)

• Make awkward sexual advances, not war. Then if rejected, make completely unrelated war.

• MAN, John Madden is sexy.

• Microloans are nice because if you don't pay, the guys they send after you have really small bats. And they're midgets.

• MOST SHRIMPS ARE VERY SMALL.

• My favorite sea captain is Blahab. He's like Ahab but doesn't really care what Moby Dick does.

• My mom sent me a Bible, a comedy DVD, and a book about ADHD. The ADHD book is teaching me how to enjoy all three at one time.

• Nature fact: Koalas (and me) are almost aggressive if they're not snuggled byam. And they sleep8 hours a day.

• Note to self: Stop trying to find Third-world buyers for my coworkers' newborns. [unless they ask me to]

• OMG I just had a completely NEW memory!

• Ooh I smarted. I smarted all over you. Smartastic.

• People who have a problem with the word "retarded" are... retarded. So there.

• PHEW just got done cleaning up the biggest mess I ever made which, ironically, was from spilling a bunch of dish soap.

• Planning ahead is redundant.

• Punching my inner child in the stomach.

• Punching the softer side of Sears in the beer belly

• Realized this morning re: my miata that some other people are more interested in proving my manhood than I am.

• Researchers agree: "lap" disappears upon standing- more research required to discover where it goes

• Rock Star: "The fact that I have homeless-person-hair and keep forgetting to shave guarantees I will rock you harder than most."

• Shut the thank up. Get the thank outta here you motherthanker. (credit for these goes to someone else who may not want it publicly)

• Sick = home - fun

• Somebody said I was the funniest SEO they'd ever met. That's like saying "you're funnier than these two other nerds I know."

• Someone just told me I have good tweets. Not sure how to react to that.

• Somewhere out there, there's got to be a file named flava.flv

• Thank You wars are tragic. Someone always ends up getting told to THANK OFF or to GO THANK YOURSELF.

• The incidence of guy-ball-cap-wearing (GBCW) skyrockets by at least00% on Saturdays. More research is indicated.

• There are proverbs that rearrange words, and sometimes there are words that rearrange proverbs.

• Thinking about changing my name to Brian Steel. So I sound tougher.

• Thou Shalt Not Write Blog Posts Relying on The Thy Shalt Framework. lol I'm embarrassed I did one. ;-)

• U r ridiculous. But so am I. The biggest sin is taking yourself too seriously. Oh and try not to kill people.

• What is a hippopotenuse? It is the longer of the three hippos in a triangle.

• What size was golf-ball-sized hail before golf balls existed?

• What's the best way to eat an endangered species? In a #PETA

• When scheduling I always say "I'm on EST" - and feel like I'm confessing to a some kind of drug habit.

• When they say you have potential, they mean "we hope you won't suck later but we have no idea why you suck so much right now"

• WHO SAYS u have to wear pants on casual day?

• Will Rogaine work on my back?

• Would love to make an indie film called "Bowling With Yanni"

• Wow as soon as you submit a job to Careerbuilder, your ENTIRE job is to read Careerbuilder resumes.

• xoxoxoxo = hugs and kisses. xyoxyoxyo = manly hugs and kisses. xozxozxozzz = sleepy hugs and kisses.

• You can't fold ANYTHING a thousand times. DUH... RT @AngryBritain North Korea threatens US with 'thousand fold' military retaliation.

• You know what's a really kinky word? -- "Kinky" -- It really is.

• Your text-laughter options are limited if you're taking an MAO-inhibitor.

Example of a Man Chat

Here is a typical IM chat between two men:

[20:01] wally: hey

[20:02] BrianCarter: hey man

[20:02] wally: whats goin on?

[20:03] BrianCarter: editing a video i took of drivin in the country

[20:03] wally: nice

[20:03] BrianCarter: u?

[20:04] wally: just doing some research/work

[20:08] BrianCarter: awesome man. good talk.

How to Be Funny Tweets

1. take your clothes off in public.
1. We admitted we were not at all funny. We were completely unfunnyless.
2. We came to believe in a funniness greater than our shelves.
3. nurture your inner bully, then use him/her to make fun of yourself. Then make fun of that.
4. (comes immediately *before* Step #1): Break the rules.
5. confound expectations- learn to look at things differently- be a an epistemological, ontological anti-conformist. and don't use big words
6. Be punny. If you can't, ur too dumb. But if you rely on puns, you'll be killed by an angry mob with pitchforks.
7. Find out who you are, then be that, times 10. No, times 12. Or maybe times 9. Hmm, dunno... have to test that.
8. Write A LOT. Edit A LOT. Then get goofy all over.
9. Don't be a wordinator. Or a wordsmith. Get it? ;-)
22. Become a boss and quote other people's jokes. Fire employees who don't laugh.

Seth Godin = Moby ?

Does anyone else think it's weird that...

We never see Seth Godin and Moby together?


I think we've seen that ruse before...




Except I'm not sure who's more super. Seth or Moby...

Hmm...

Generational Differences In The Workplace Keynote Segment

Generational Differences at Work: Gen Y, Gen X, etc. keynote speech from Garrison Wynn. DISS is a funny guy, trust me. Keeps me laughing.